The one I want is you
by Shimisaki-kun
Summary: Major AU, yaoi LoydGenis smut. Please, just read it, I'll write a summary later, but I am in a hurry now....
1. These feelings are for you

A/N Okay, I admit it, I was in a generally fluffy/angsty mode when I wrote this chapter, I'm sorry, but I had to write it. Meh... this is also MAJOR AU, and I kind of changed the way Dirk looks since I don't really know how he looks to begin with...

I just started to play the game, I am about five hours into it, but I couldn't resist to write a Lloyd/Genis fan fic because they look so cute together!

Disclaimer: I don't own it!

Warnings: Yaoi, lemon/lime warning in later chapters, crude language, violence (?) character bashing, AU, OOC, a few OC students and teachers, shota/pedophilia , senzuri/masturbation and gay-bashing. Slight BD-stuff. (Bondage-Dominating for all of you who doesn't know what is stands for.)

Pairings: Quite obvious since I wrote it in the A/N, but it is Lloyd/Genis for all of you with slow minds...

Rating: Overall rating – R (email me if you want the NC-17 version of a chapter, or write it in your review. I will tell you when I have a NC-17 version of a chapter, by the way.)

**The One I Want Is You...**

By Shimisaki-kun

Chapter One

"These Feelings Are For You"

oooXXXooo

My name is Lloyd Irving. I am a friend of many, but I am always alone in the one way that truly matter. Even though I am almost eighteen years old, I have loved many people, but none in 'that' way. I believed that all I ever would feel was friendship, but never love. I have tried to love many people, but I just couldn't, not until I met _him_.

He goes in the same class as me. We have talked a few times, but we are far from friends. Every night when I close my eyes, I can see him before me. His smile, his gentle eyes, his wild hair, falling around his face, long black lashes, framing those beautiful blue eyes.

What I feel is wrong, not because that he is a boy, but because of his age. The one I desire is a mere child. He just became twelve, two months ago, on the seventh of November. I know what you are thinking, 'He's only twelve, you are such a pervert!' and 'But you just said that he went in your class!'

Both are correct. He is one of the smartest people I know, but that doesn't say much when thinking about the crowd I hang around with... He is what you could call a child 'prodigy'. I do not know if it is because of his mind or his attitude towards school that has made him advance this far at such a young age.

He is exceptionally smart, but even so, he is still a child in so many ways. His big, sad eyes always stare out the window when the younger children have sports on their schedule. I can see that he wishes that he could be outside with them, playing, laughing and being a kid. Every time I see him like that I wonder if the longing and emptiness in his eyes can ever be replaced with happiness and love.

He only has one person that he truly cares about in this world, his sister. She is his mentor, teacher, idol and family. During class, she is always being stricter towards him than anyone else of us. I believe she thinks it shows us that she is not favoring him, but every time I see that sad look in his eyes when she scolds him, I wonder if it does not make them drift apart.

A child his age should get encouragement and a helping hand, not a scolding pair of eyes as soon as he makes a wrong turn. The love of family bonds are strong, but even those can snap when they are being tugged at and twisted into small loops of hatred, slowly gnawing the love away.

My family consists of a man that I am not even related too, and a dog. When it comes to family bonds, there does not always have to bee blood relations necessary. If I love my father, and he loves me, even though we do not share a single string of DNA, does blood really matter?

When I was only two years old, barely able to walk on my own two feet, I was put in a basket and put on the doorstep of a bachelor's house. The next day the man was leaving for work when he found me. Since that day he has taken care of me, even though that he did not have to. Family is the people that love you unconditionally, not necessarily the people you share blood with.

He saved me, and for that I am greatly thankful for. He is my father, in every sense of the word. He feed me, clothe me, shower me with love and appreciation as well as punishments when I have done something wrong.

Even though I am happy with the way things are, I still wonder about my parents from time to time. All I know is that they left me with a note saying; "His name is Lloyd Irving, please take care of my son. ". One day I would like to meet them and ask them 'why', but even if I never get the chance, I will still be happy with the life I have lived up to this point.

The scars of rejection never fades though, and I can not stop thinking about what was so wrong with me that they would rather give me up than to keep me. I am aware that there are several reasons for not keeping me, but I still wish to know the real one.

The object for my affection can never know of my feelings for him, or he will avoid me like the freak I am. I have little to no experience when it comes to love, lust I can handle, but love is a totally different story altogether.

It is true that I lust after him, but my feelings run much deeper than that. I do not just want to push him up the nearest wall and ravish him, I want to hold him throughout the night, reassure him that everything will be all right. I want to protect him from all the pains in this seemingly cold and lonely world, I want to introduce him to the endless opportunities, the oceans of pleasure, the love of another and the gentle touch of feather like kisses against naked skin.

I want him, and I need him so much. My body aches with longing every time I am away from him. My body also responds to everything he does. Whenever I hear his voice I can feel my blood burning, rushing towards my abdomen, every time I see his sad eyes I have to keep myself from gathering his small form in my arms and kiss those tempting lips, just to keep his mind away from his worries.

I know that it is wrong to want him; I know that it is wrong to love him, but I cannot help myself. I know the feelings I have are for him, the one who made my heart ache for love was he. I am sure that the only one I will ever love is he.

I feel like I am dying inside when all I can do is to watch him from afar, I want to hold him, kiss him and make him mine in every way possible. If anyone ever asked me what would be worse; seeing him every day, but not being able to talk or touch him or death.

The answer would be easy; Death is less painful than loving when you know that your love will never be returned. When someone loves another with so much passion that it hurts to be unseen by that special person. When words can be turned against you, your feelings can be walked upon, people can shun you for your choices and when love is not returned. It all hurts. It hurts like a thousand stabs directly into your heart. A human heart is fragile; the organ that pumps the vital blood around can easily be crushed by a single word.

I wish I knew how he would react if I confessed my feelings towards him. I wonder if he would stare at me with those inhumanly large eyes with the color of the sky at summer, repulsion evident in the blue orbs, or if he would laugh at me. Whatever he does, it will still hurt as much.

The only thing that I am not expecting is that he would respond to my affection, that he would love me in return. I may be an idiot, but I am not that stupid.

oooXXXooo

He quickly closed the book when he heard steps walking up the wooden steps of the staircase. He quickly hid the book and the pen underneath one of the pillows on his bed, sitting up he crossed his legs and reached for one of the comic books on the night table.

"Lloyd, are you in here?" came a low, gruff voice.

"Yes, dad." The boy responded.

A short while after, a brown haired man walked into the room. He was about 5'8", considerably shorter than Lloyd's 6'1" frame. He was a relatively sturdy man, but not from fat, but from the muscles that he had developed from years of work in the blacksmith.

"Here," he said, handing the boy on the bed a bracelet. It was a simple silver bracelet with flower and leaf carvings on it. The leaves were left bare while each flower had a tiny gem in the middle, gently reflecting the soft lamplight. "You can give it to her tomorrow, before she leaves for France."

The brown haired boy nodded and took the bracelet. It was a combined birthday present and a parting gift. One of his best friends was going to France to study for a couple of months. "Thanks, dad. It was really nice of you to make it for me." He said, smiling at the man.

The man smiled back. "I figured that since you were too busy with school, I could make the gift for her. After all, Colette has been your friend for years. It must be hard not to be able to see her for six months." The boy mumbled something incoherently, looking at the bracelet.

"Well... I guess I should be starting dinner." The man said, turning around.

"Dad, wait. I'll do dinner, as thanks for helping me with the gift." Lloyd said, getting up from the bed. "Besides, you can't cook!" he added facetiously.

"Then how have you been able to survive without any food for the last sixteen years, boy?" he asked grumpily.

"Pop Tarts!" the boy said before running out of the room and down the stairs, not stopping before he was inside the kitchen.

The man shook his head and followed, closing the door behind him.

oooXXXooo

A/N So, what do you think? Did it stink? I know I made Lloyd somewhat 'deeper' than he is in some other fic's, but that is because that I can't stand him being as intelligent as a hot air balloon! I mean, he _is_ the hero in the game, after all... and I kinda like hot, smart bishies!

Well, if I get five reviews I'll post the next chapter, and if I don't... maybe I'll post it just to spite you! Well, anyway, please review, they feed my muses!


	2. Good Bye And Hello

A/N Okay, it took a while, but it's finally here, chapter 2! I'm terribly, terribly sorry for the long wait, and I would promise that this would never happen again, but since I know it will, I'll just go ahead and apologize in advance. GOMEN NASAI!

One of you asked how Colette can be going to France when Sylvarant is another world or something... anyway, just to annoy people; I have decided that Sylvarant and the 'other' side of it (forgot the name…) is a continent, like Australia or something, just a lot bigger. It's about the size of America. (North and South.) THAT is why Colette can go to France! Heh, I'm messing with nature...

Thanks for all of your lovely reviews!

Disclaimer: See chapter one

Warnings: Yaoi, lemon/lime warning in later chapters, crude language, violence (?) character bashing, AU, OOC, a few OC students and teachers, shota/pedophilia , senzuri/masturbation and gay-bashing. Slight BD-stuff. (Bondage-Dominating for all of you who doesn't know what is stands for.)

Pairings: Lloyd/Genis

Rating: Overall rating – R (email me if you want the NC-17 version of a chapter, or write it in your review. I **will tell you** when I have a NC-17 version of a chapter, by the way.)

**The One I Want Is You...**

By Shimisaki-kun

Chapter Two

"Good Bye And Hello"

oooXXXooo

When I stood in front of Colette at the airport, I felt the need to tell her everything. I wanted to tell her how much I loved Genis, and how much I wanted him. I wanted to tell her that even though I loved her, too, that it could never become more than what we had, friendship. I desperately wanted to confess the sins that my heart so willingly committed.

I know that no matter how much I want to tell her I cannot let her have to worry about my problems. I know that she would do everything that she could to help me feel better, but it is not right to confess your feelings for someone else to someone who loves you.

Yes, I know.

I know that Colette loves me. I have known for quite some time now. I know that it is wrong not to tell her that I only love her as a sister and a friend, to keep her hopes up like that, but I can assure you that I have done nothing to encourage her either. I hope that she finds someone worthy of her affections in France, someone that will be able to love her the way she deserves to be loved.

When I was at the airport saying goodbye to her, I gave her the bracelet. She was so happy for it; she hugged me and jumped up and down, making half the people there stop to stare at us. I guess that is the kind of person she is. Happy, bubbly, a ball of energy and love, completely devoted to her friends.

We didn't say much after that, she just looked at me with her large, pretty eyes and smiled. When her flight number was called out she grabbed her suitcases and leaned a bit closer before kissing my cheek, standing on the tip of her toes. "I'll miss you, promise you will write to me?" she said. All I could do was nod. Of course I would. She was my closest friend, after all, and I would never let such a trivial thing as a few thousand miles destroy our friendship.

I watched her as she walked to the gate, a woman in a flight attendants uniform took her ticket and put it into a machine, and then giving it back to Colette with an extra piece of paper, probably her seat number.

I stood there for a long time even after I couldn't see her anymore. I just waited, for what, I do not know. It felt so surreal. It had to be a mistake somewhere. How could she just walk out of my life so easily? Shouldn't I feel so much more than just a dull ache and a slight hollowness inside? I felt so ashamed of myself. I wanted to call back to her and hug her one last time before she left, but it was already too late. She was probably onboard the plane by now.

I sighed.

I waited until it was dark, I stood there and watched people come and go. There were lovers that said good byes, giving their loved ones hugs and kisses. There were families that said reluctant farewells and people that came alone, no one accompanying them, no one to hug good bye, no one waiving when they left, no one to hold after returning from a journey.

I couldn't help but think that I would always be one of those people that came and went alone. It felt like I had to change my own destiny somehow, I don't want to end up alone, without my special person. Even if that person don't like me right now, I'll be damned if I give up before even trying. Yes, that's right, I have to tell him how I feel, to win him over, to be able to hold him in my arms without any reserve, to finally say "I love you"…

As I looked up at the glass dome covering the terminal I saw the myriad of stars above, a few of the tiny dots were blinking in different colors as they sailed over the sky. I couldn't help but wonder what they were doing right now, my two most precious people; Genis and Colette.

I smiled to my self as I walked out of the airport and out to the parking lot. The air was fresh and I felt as if something had been lifted off of my shoulders, yet I did not realize what, I only knew that my heart was lighter than in a long time, maybe everything will work out after all?

Yeah, maybe…


End file.
